Diary of a Pen Collector
July 6, 2008
They’re Mine…..all Mine!!!!
Waterman Pen and Pencil Advert
I have a friend…..No…no its not me I tell you, its a friend - a very good friend who has made a difficult and very disturbing confession to me. It would have been easy for this friend to confess that he was say an alcoholic, a gambler, or a purveyor of questionable top shelf magazines, or whatever —-but no! it is much worse than any of those afflictions—- he is compulsively addicted to fountain pen collecting.
To realise how this friends life was ruined by this collecting affliction, one needs to go back to the beginning — at least to his youth. When he was a mere child, his father gave him a few stamps to start a collection, just like any other kid might, but then he became aware of a whole range of other collectibles like bubble-gum cards, matchbox lids, and comics etc….the rot had set in.
He should have seen the writing on the wall when he started sending away for those coins and bank notes and stamps that were advertised on the back of comics —- but he was a mere boy, naive and could not see the tell - tale signs or symptoms of the collecting addiction, already he was hooked.
As this affliction further takes hold, shrouded as it is in a cloak of respectability, there are many people who see no harm in having an innocent hobby of ‘ collecting ‘ but little do they know of the underlying danger that all true fountain pen collector addicts go through.
First of all there are the lies ! My friend often told his wife that he had ‘ lost his wallet ‘, or was ‘ repaying old debts’, or even that he was saving for a ‘ rainy day’ — just to explain the ‘missing money’ that was in reality squandered on his pen collection.
This friend was always looking through collectors magazines hoping to find some ‘advice’ on investing in collectable pens, just so that he could then justify the expenses which his wife knew went towards his pen collection, and of course the items that were shown to her, were always grossly under - stated as to their true acquisition costs.
This good friend became increasingly bitter that his wife wanted to wastefully spend money on such things as clothes, food, home luxuries, and he begrudged paying bills, rather than using that valuable wealth on the greater priority matter of swelling the fountain pen collection. If you ever want to know how to survive on social security state benefit payments, just ask an addicted collector. Collectors have been keeping body and soul together on the small change from their addiction for years, whilst gaining some strange sustenance by watching their collection further grow.
Of course you can tell the really troubled collectors - they are the ones who have their collection hidden away in safe deposit boxes never setting up a display, never joining a pen collectors society or club, and never entering a competition. It’s not that they’re scared of being robbed, or have a fear of displaying an inadequate collection - its because they are afraid of being recognised as a ‘ collector ‘ and having their addiction problem displayed before one and all.
Have you noticed how most serious collectors are either independently wealthy or else are not married. The independently wealthy have a constant source of income to invest in their madness (they are able to hide their affliction behind a veil of eccentricity ) ; whilst the single man or lady has been able to determine his / her priorities early in life — fountain pen collection first, women or men second.
Unfortunately there are others who delude themselves that they could sustain a normal married relationship, with a family taking precedence over ‘ the collection ‘. But, as the years pass, they have found the desire for collectibles has overtaken any concern for domestic responsibilities, starting by ignoring social events and family outings preferring to visit dealers and going to antique and collectors fairs, continuing to falsely justify the ever increasing amount of cash spent on the collection.
As time passes by the accruing debt becomes increasingly evident but is ignored, always with the excuse of ‘this pen is rare’ or ‘ I’ve never seen a classic Parker pen like this for sale before ‘ or ‘ it will complete the series ‘ or ‘ at that price I can’t pass up the chance ‘ . And we still kid ourselves that if we ever needed the money badly enough we could sell it. Sell it ! sell it! Oh No, what a relapse I feel quite dizzy and unwell.
I know that there is only one rule about collecting fountain pens, which is that who ever has the best collection when they die, is the winner. This is a well established dictum, but what has confused our friend here is how can he determine ‘ the best collection’. Over the past few months he’s been waking up from a terrifying nightmare in a state of cold sweat, unable to sleep, trying to decide whether the best collection is simply that which is the biggest one, or the one with the highest quality of content ?.
Although this friend is in rather a bad way, now with the understanding support and therapeutic guidance given by his fellow society members and pen collector colleagues, I believe he’s well on his way to achieving a full recovery. In fact recently he was summoned by the inner sanctom of the pen fraternity to appear, attending his first therapeutic meeting, there he stood before the assembled pen collector society members, and in a loud clear voice bravely made that vital open declaration ” I am afflicted with a fountain pen collecting addiction ” likely the hardest few words that he has ever spoken, for all to hear.
These counselling meetings have made him realise that there are other people likewise afflicted, indeed this is not a problem restricted to a few locally based individuals:- it is estimated that the Chinese alone have over two billion assorted types of ‘ collectors ‘ each one miserly hoarding up their own choice of collectible items.
Whilst I feel that our friends resource is under way, and that there is greater hope for all collectors who bravely confront their problem, much further research into exposing the cause’s of this affliction, remains necessary. Dealers lists, advertisements and fairs are the opium upon which collectors thrive, with the advent of sophisticated state-of-the-art technology enabling computer printouts of your financial status, it won’t be long before the pen collectors paymaster will be able to arrange a direct debit payment addition increasing your existing overdraft limit, and crediting their own bank account with the sale made simultaneously !.
We can help
In an extensive effort to fight off this threat of financial domination, we at ‘ The Fountain Pen Emporium ‘ have formed a fighting fund which we implore all collectors to join, for a premium extra charge we will provide a pair of morocco leather lace-up collectors gloves (with these on your hands whilst at collectors fairs you can’t get into your wallet or write a cheque! And you can instantly recognise others with the same condition ).
NEXT: Genealogy - The discovery of the inherent collecting genes….